Fun Stuff > What Ziggy Thinks

Keyboard Cowboys


 Who else hates it when someone sits there on Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, or any other online social media platform and talks shit to everyone. You know those people. The ones who say something like, "Dude, I'll beat the snot out of you. I'm gonna come to your house and tear you apart!"
 As though those people would ever just drive half way across the country, or even fly half way around the world, track you down, come to your house, and knock on your door. Remember how we used to do it back in the 90s and earlier? If you had a problem with someone and wanted to talk shit, you either did it to their face and hope you can hold your ground, or talked behind their back to everyone and when one of those people relayed what you said to your "enemy", you got your ass handed to you in the locker room later that afternoon. And if you weren't all that good at brawling, you kept your fucking mouth shut. Unless you were retarded. Then you said something stupid to your "enemy" only to find out that you aren't quite as tough as you thought you were.
 Nowadays, however, it's just too easy for someone to sit there behind their monitor and bang out threats, most of which just prove that they are some dumbass kid who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. And there's a reason why they can't go toe to toe with someone. That reason is that they have never said anything resembling a threat to someone's face. All they have done their whole life is sit on their $200 keyboard that mommy bought for them because they're too fucking lazy to get out there and earn some money on their own.
 It's super easy for someone to sit there and toss out those tough guy statements when they know damn good and well that nobody is gonna just take a 600 mile trip and confront them. Even if they give out their real name and address (which of course they won't simply because they are terrified that someone will actually show up and stick their boot so far up their ass that they can use the heel for a mouthguard), nobody is gonna actually show up. And even if they did, they would show up at someone else's house. You know.... because that little punk gave out an address to another fellow that he made the mistake of saying something retarded to and figured that if he gave out that guy's address, he might be able to kill 2 birds with one stone, which just proves how paranoid that little bastard is.
 I miss the good old days when if you had a problem with someone, you either handled it or went home with your tail tucked between your legs. You couldn't hide behind that monitor and say whatever you wanted in the protection of your mama's basement.
 I despise keyboard cowboys. If you wanna threaten someone, you better be prepared to back it up. There could be a time when you piss off some truck driver who just happens to have a load that hits your town. And when that load hits your town, that driver is gonna catch a cab to your house and hit you square on your fucking nose, breaking it in 8 places.
 Yea, you little punk.... you're real tough and super cool making those bullshit threats that you know damn good and well that you will never have to back up. But just wait. You keep making those threats online and get that mindset, you just might slip up and say one of those threats to someone who you bump into at Walmart and have your ass handed to you on a silver platter.
 You know, when I was in my teens, I got into a handful of scraps myself. Luckily, most of the time, I could hold my own, even against a couple at the same time. You see, I wasn't a big fellow until I got into driving a long haul truck, sitting a seat for 14+ hours a day, doing my 4 log books for a couple hours, trying to figure out how I could make my lines look legitimate enough to please the scales, and sleeping the rest of the time. During that time, I gained enough weight that it would create a high school linebacker. Yup.... I jumped to well over 200 pounds. Now, that didn't last long. I wasn't happy at that weight, so I started doing exercises, eating better, keeping snacks out of reach so I wasn't stuffing my face all day out of boredom, and drinking less soda. I dropped back down to 185. Then I all but gave up soda, which I used to drink as thought my life depended on it, and dropped down to around 155. A couple years ago, I started doing a 20 minute workout 3 times a week, and now I'm back to a weight that I am happy with.... 128. And as long as I stay below 135, I'll be happy.
 Ok, there's a reason why I went on about my size. When I was about 7, I was absolutely TINY! I was the smallest person in my class, even dwarfing each and every girl in my grade. My family lived about 15 miles from a town that offered swimming lessons, which I took 3 times a week. My stepfather, knowing that I would always be small (with the exception of that short time when I got stupid with my eating and exercising habits), decided to put me into a karate class following my swimming lessons, which I took very seriously, and continued to train for the rest of my life. I still train myself in my spare time, but am no longer training under a sensei. In 1997, I earned by black belt, and in 2006, my second degree belt. I cannot advance any further without registering my hands as lethal weapons, which would put me at a MUCH higher standard should I get into a fight, even if it can be proven as self defense.
 Anyhow, even with more than 35 years of training, I am still capable of getting my hide tanned. There will always be someone out there who is just a little more badass than you, or maybe they get that lucky punch in, you get blindsided, have too many opponents at once, or come up against someone who decides to use a pool cue as a weapon.
 In closing, Chuck Norris is a little bitch. If he was such a badass, he would bust into my house right now and smash my fucking face on my keyboakjudjfj kl iouweioru jflakjdsjflkja


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